Consecration: Phase 5

I am ready! (or so I thought) God now that you've transformed me, show me what you want me to do. But the messages I kept getting confused me and honestly, I dismissed them at first. Here is what I heard:

"Be Patient and Know My Mother"

No matter what I did that is the message that kept coming back. I think it's important here to explain my thoughts on the Blessed Virgin Mary up to this point. I was raised protestant, and I only came into full communion with the Catholic church in 2014. You can read more on that in my blog but for now I'll summarize by saying that though I believed Mary was the virgin mother of Christ, I did not appreciate or understand her role beyond that. Because of my faith formation in my youth, it was hard for me to even begin saying the Hail Mary prayer or the rosary. However, always when I look back, I see how God works with me over time. When I got married, in the Catholic church though not catholic myself, I made a promise to raise my children in the Catholic faith. To honor that promise I had to learn before I could teach, again a full recount of this time can be found on my Blog but in the beginning, I'd say the Lord's Prayer and even Glory Be, but I'd let my husband say Hail Mary. But as the children got older, I had to lead by example so that meant teaching them all their prayers. But in my mind, I still didn't fully understand. Over the years we've said countless rosaries together, but I really never saw her. I completely valued her acceptance of God's will. I admired that actually and wanted to be as capable of abandoning myself to His will as she was but that is as far as it went. I gave a talk once about my conversion story and a friend of mine had heard it, in the talk I mentioned my struggles with the Blessed Virgin Mary. The next time I saw that friend she gave me a book called Mary, Day by Day. She wrote a beautiful note in the book for me and I greatly appreciated her thoughtfulness. You see she is very dedicated to Mary and belongs to the Legions of Mary and her dedication is apparent to anyone who meets her. However, I didn't have any desire to be that dedicated, or really dedicated at all. Respectful sure, dedicated no. The next time I saw my friend, she asked me if I had read that day’s reading, I said I had yet and so in persistence she said did you read it yesterday? I hadn't and she was making me uncomfortable. As a solution I began to carry it with me in my purse so if I saw her, I could read it really quick, but it was not a habit, nor could I see it ever being a habit of mine.

Fast forward to my time of transformation, April of 2024. I was sharing my experience with her, and she asked me if I had a miraculous medal. I told her I did, and I wore it nearly every day along with my grandmother’s cross and my angel charm but that day I wanted to wear a different necklace and so I wasn't wearing it right then. The next time I saw her I was wearing mine and showed it to her, but it was small and tarnished and she said, "Oh that's tiny, the Blessed Mother told me to give you this."  and she handed me a box with a miraculous medal on a chain. It is gold and about 5x the size of my other one so it's huge and my first thought was "I can't wear this." but I did not say so. I thanked her for her kindness and thoughtfulness, which I really appreciated, and I slipped it into my purse. When I got home, I showed my husband and then set it on the piano. But the following week I knew I'd see her at daily mass, so I thought I should put it on. I still had on my other necklace that was very important to me. So now I wore both, but they always got tangled up, so much so that I'd feel like I was choking. Every day I wore it because I wanted her to see it on me. 

Remember - "Be Patient and Know My Mother"

During this same time, I kept hearing "be patient…" in my head and everywhere I turn there is something being mentioned or done in relation to Mary the Mother of God. But it’s May and I figure it’s a coincidence because there are always lots of references to Mary in May. Then someone else very dear to me sends me on May 5th, The Miraculous 54-Day Rosary Novena and says she has prayed this before and witness miracles, she said she though I may want to pray for my new business and its future success. My first thought…"54-DAYS?! I'm not sure I can do that."

Two days after that, on May 7th, I see a challenge, 33 days to Morning Glory, show up on my Hallow app. This app has aided in every step of my journey so far, so I decided to join and listen. I notice I am a few days behind, so I start from the beginning and listen to a couple and decide to stick with it for a few days at least. Then I realize this is following a book, similar to He Leadeth Me. Then I think I've seen this title before but think, "It can't be…" I go up to my office and look at the shelf and there again is the book! Just like He Leadeth Me, God's giving me breadcrumbs to follow.

33 Days to Morning Glory was given to me some time ago (I wish now I could remember who gave it to me) and since Mary was not high on my priority list then I just put it on the shelf. I find that each time a book is given to me that I don't read immediately, it turns out to be a seed planted that sprouts in the appropriate time.

Now I am fully immersed in the book and the reflection on the app and so on May 12 I started The Miraculous 54-Day Rosary Novena, naturally. I know I can be reticent when it comes to these unfamiliar areas of faith God calls me to, but eventually I do embrace the messages being revealed.

I begin to learn about and understand The Blessed Mother in earnest. I begin to see God's greater plan for her beyond the birth of Jesus. I begin to see her unfailing obedience to God through her entire life on earth. Her acceptance of the necessary sacrifice of her son. How many of us as mothers could witness what she did? Yet still she bore it all with grace and complete surrender to God's will.  During the 54-day rosary I began to see the mysteries anew. Things were revealed to me during my meditations on each of the mysteries. I started seeing my life through them. In the beginning of the 33 Days, I did not fully fathom what a consecration meant but the deeper I went the clearer it was to me. I began to accept her as MY MOTHER and The Mother of all humanity. I began to see her intercessions, her grace, her peace and her acceptance of God's will. She had a choice and like with many choices we face there is a responsibility to see the full impact of our choices beyond our current circumstances. God will give us what we need to persevere through our circumstance ALWAYS. He only wants us to trust in Him and be obedient. On June 9th, I consecrated myself to The Blessed Mother Mary. There are a few things you need to do in preparation for the consecration. Two of those things are confession & receiving communion during mass. Confession has never been easy for me; I think it’s because I still don't know how and what I should confess. I have done examinations of conscience and I have gone to confession, but I have never felt that I did it right or I have felt like I am missing the point. However, this is one of the steps to consecration so off I go. I get into the confessional, I kneel, I take a deep breath and I begin…except after the first minute or so I realize I am just talking to the priest, telling him things that having been weighing on me, that have confused me and that hold me in reserve. It isn't a litany of things I've done wrong but rather feelings, fears and experiences. And I am crying…a lot!  He passes me tissues and when I've finished, he begins to explain, and it feels like all of my anxiety (that I didn't realize I was carrying) is lifted off of my heart. By the time he finishes and absolves me I am crying even harder but now out of joy. It was a wonderous experience, and I began to understand the sacrament of reconciliation. I then go and sit in the church to finish my rosary and tears are still rolling down my face. It was just before 5:00pm mass on Sunday, my family went to mass that morning, but I was assisting with a class, so I had to go to the evening mass. As I was sitting there preparing myself for mass and then my consecration, I thought about how much I wished my family could have been with me, but it was not to be and that was ok, this is really between me and Our Blessed Mother. Then I looked up to see my son and my daughter slide into the pew beside me, followed by my sweet loving husband. The tears poured out of me, something so simple but not something I asked them to do and yet here they are and I know again I AM BLESSED.

That mass we celebrated the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus and The Immaculate Heart of Mary and afterwards we went up to the first pew and I said my prayer of consecration. And every day since then I have asked Mary for her grace and her peace to guide me through each day.

Note - Midway through May I got tired of my necklaces always being tangled and practically chocking me, so I resolved to take the Miraculous Medal off. I stood in my bathroom and reached up for the clasp and at that moment, I knew I needed to keep the medal on and so I took off the other one. I don't know if I will wear it always but I know I need to wear it now and so I do.