Ash Wednesday

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of Lent 2025. Usually, the first few days of Lent are not as challenging, there is too much excitement and you are pleasantly anxious to begin your journey. Whether you've decided to 'give up' something, change a habit or create new habits, you are ready to begin! This year my challenges started right out of the gate, or rather they started in the waiting que.

I've already stated I love lent but I also love the few days leading up to it, they are the time of preparing and feasting. We have hosted a Fat Tuesday party for the last several years, but this year for a multitude of reason I won't go into here, we decided not to do it. So no crescendo. Additionally, in the few days leading up to lent I usually clear out and restock my pantry. (We are going to be making soups predominantly for the next six weeks so the cupboards need to be transformed to accommodate different staple items in large quantity.) This year, I did all the shopping on Fat Tuesday then had to leave it all in bags on the kitchen floor because I had other commitments I had to attend to that evening. I made a big country fried steak dinner complete with dessert for my family for a more intimate Fat Tuesday but I was not able join them. I had also gotten into a lingering fight with my husband, we almost never fight and when we do it is fleeting but this one started Monday evening, and though we were not warring, there were still hurt feelings laying like a blanket over everything. So we awake the morning of Ash Wednesday and had already agreed to go to the 8:30 mass, I only had time to do half of my meditation and bible study before we had to go, and the bags of groceries are still on the kitchen floor. Mass was lovely, we all got our ashes, it was raining so slightly inconvenient to be out but really no big deal.

When we get home, i want to first finish my meditation, but the house is a wreck, the groceries still have not put themselves away and my house does not look like Lent is here. So I decide to spend the next several hours getting my environment ready, the logic being, I'll be better able to meditate if I am not distracted by the constant thoughts of what I need to do.

Part of the getting the house ready is taking down some of the normal decor and having things draped in purple and a more somber feel to all of it. Once I had straightened and put things away, I asked my husband (at the time teaching our daughter one of her school subjects) if he would please go out to the garage and get me the tub of Lent decor. He rolled his eyes at the interruption. I saw it and was displeased with the response & told him so, but he got the tub. I finished putting the house and cupboards right, got everything put away and found it was time to turn my thoughts to what soup I'd prepare for dinner.

I had a flat of tomatoes I had already planned to use, but since I had never made soup starting with a tomato (not in a can), I needed to look at some recipes and learn a bit about whole tomatoes. For example; I knew I should peel the tomatoes and I knew that the best way involved boiling water, but I had never done it. I also learned the seeds make soup bitter so you should remove them. I would have probably learned that lesson the hard way but thankfully I started with research. So i took out several cookbooks and read several tomato soup recipes before deciding to try an Italian version of Tomato and Bread soup. Details about the soup I'll save for the end. My husband called just then and said he was going to get some milk and did I need anything? How sweet, and yes, I needed some hearty rustic bread. I spent the next hour making soup.

Just as we are getting ready to have dinner my husband is sitting on the sofa, (probably texting someone on his phone) when I say to him 'Since you are wearing shoes, and it is very wet outside, will you go out and grab something from my car?' He rolls his eyes, AGAIN! That's it, I am angry. He apologizes and asks me what it is I want from the car? I refuse to tell him. He lost his chance! (To go out to the car in the rain? that chance? Does not matter he lost it.) I go upstairs to get my shoes while he goes out to the car to see if he can figure out what I might want. He can't figure it out so he comes back in just as I come downstairs. I storm out to get my Lenten Reflection Magnificat that I wanted to use during our family bible study! He says sheepishly, 'I thought that might have been it but I wasn't sure and will you forgive me?' I am too mad! Then I turn to see the kids have cleared the table by putting all the riff raff onto the coffee table that I had just cleared and set with a crown of thorns and candle! So I get even madder, now I am hollering at all of them for being disrespectful and dismissive of me and my efforts to make this a beautiful LENT. (Really? By yelling at them?) My husband knows that my quick temper was only the result of him rolling his eyes again and tries to intercede, which has the result of fanning flames. The kids quickly rush to undo whatever they did and my daughter is near tears herself because I said I think they do not respect me. What a mess! I go into the kitchen and put the soup into bowls and put the bowls on the table, it crosses my mind not to have dinner with them but I hear an angel whispering that will not make things better, so I sit. My husband has the Magnificat and makes to start reading something. I take it away (HE DOESN'T GET TO TRY TO MAKE THIS BETTER!) and my sons says, mom we should read that, to which i quickly snap, 'don't lie!' (When I mentioned the day before that we'd probably start our bible study after dinner he groaned. Not because he doesn't want to but because that is the first reaction of a 14 year old boy) He looked at me calmly and said 'I am not lying, I didn't say I wanted to read it I said we should read it.' By now I am crying and I said this was clearly going to be a difficult Lent. We eat in silence for about 10 minutes when my daughter says, 'Its really good mom, thank you.' Nobody else is daring to say anything and I realize how badly I have behaved. As my nose starts running I see how ridiculous I must appear. I give a little laugh at my own stupid spectacle and apologize for my complete over reaction. By then everyone is apologizing and we begin our Lent in earnest. We have a bible study and reflection and later we play the Catholic Game, (again my son grumbles at the choice of game but he is 14, so we ignore it) and have fun and laugh through it.

God gives us grace but our job is to receive it. Yesterday, I was busily focused on the wrong things. I was not letting His Spirit dwell within me, because I had an idea of how things should go and let little things bother me a great deal. Make no mistake that the troubles I had were not caused by my family, we all roll our eyes unintentionally and I know I have rolled my eyes to my sweet husband. We all could be reminded to let grace lead.

Italian Tomato Bread Soup

8 Cups Broth - use your favorite

2lbs Peeled Seeded tomatoes chopped

1/2 Onion diced

3 cloves garlic minced

Rosemary

Sage

Salt Pepper

Rustic Bread - thinly sliced for garnish (1/2 slice for each bowl) and cube the rest.

Olive oil

In large stock pot bring broth to boil. Meanwhile, cook the onions 5 - 7 minutes add rosemary and sage cook another 3-5 minutes add the garlic cook 2 minutes add diced bread and drizzle with olive oil salt and pepper and cook until bread is toasted, add the chopped tomatoes with a little more salt and pepper and let cook 5 mintues then add the tomato and bread mixture to soup pot let cook 30 minutes. While soup is cooking toast the sliced in the pan with olive oil.