All My Life

I mentioned the other day about going to a retreat, and that in parts of it we were asked to sing; I also mentioned I don't really like that kind of thing. Mostly because I can't sing, AT ALL. It is definitely not a gift I was given.

My children when they were babies would reach their little hands up and cover my mouth when I sang to them. Harsh, I know, but they were just babies and children are instinctively honest. So I am not one who says they can't sing but really isn't that bad.

However, I do like listening to gospel music. In my opinion, gospel music is so full of joy, that playing it makes doing undesirable things pleasant. In fact, much to the dismay of my children, I love to blast Elvis Presley gospel albums, while I clean the house.

But when asked to sing in a settling like the retreat, I get super uncomfortable, I pay little attention and mouth along waiting for it to be over. This particular experience started the same, but weirdly now almost a full week ago and it is still in my head. I go to bed and as I begin to relax, it's there; I wake up, and it's there. In quiet parts of otherwise busy days, it is just under the surface, so I have thought a lot about it. We only sang the chorus but we sang it several times throughout the day. The chorus goes like this:

All my life you have been faithful, and all my life you have been so so good. With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God.

Maybe it sticks because it resonates. Jesus made Himself known to me when I was just a child. I have never questioned my belief in God, though there were times that I hoped He wasn't watching. There were times I did what I wanted to do, knowing full well there is a big difference between could and should. There were times when I thought myself a mature, competent adult, capable of making my own decisions and I wasn't hurting anybody. I have had periods of great foolishness.

As I am unable to get the song out of my head, I decided to lean in and reflect on the words. All my life He has been faithfully by my side. His mercy and love for me is without measure and though I have loved Him in my heart, I have not shared His love with others the way I ought. But today, I am on a new path and I will talk about the wonder of God, and the mercy He has shown to me. The perfect way He cares for me, and the way he teaches me one lesson at a time. The full song is called Goodness of God and this is a video I found on YouTube. The lyrics are beautiful you can read them here.

Last night, this all came clear to me as I watched a sweet romantic comedy called, It's About Time with my daughter and son-in-law. In a nutshell, the main character learns he can travel in time, only backward and only in his lifetime, so the story is about a series of 'do overs.' (You know the, 'i wish I had said or done that differently,' thoughts that plague us all from time to time?) Well with this special ability he could go back in time and 'redo' whatever he wants. It is fun and heartwarming and it ends with lessons learned. However, it also made me think. If I had the ability, what would I want to 'redo?' There is a list, believe me! But I won't reflect on potential ramifications of such actions because really we all know there would be, right? (Enough said.) The epiphany is, I have control over the decisions I make today and everyday that is in front of me. I am sure I won't make perfect enlightened decisions all the time but I know that I will never again hope He isn't looking and I will share my experiences (though probably not through song) about the goodness of God.

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Italian Tomato & Bread Soup

Another repeat, but since I am staying with my daughter & son-in-law for a few days, they had not had these before. My husband and other children are home eating ramen!?! (And liking it?!)